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I met with a young woman this week who was having difficulty giving up her boyfriend.

He told her he had a “commitment problem” and that they should just be “friends” for a while. Then he went out and got laid. Of course, when she wanted to get back together, he was willing, as long as she didn’t call him her “boyfriend”.

Many men are proponents of this kind of behavior, but they call it different things: Friends with Benefits, FriendSex, Sex for Fun, Free Love, a “no strings attached” relationship, etc.

I call it ridiculous.

When did we start convincing ourselves that we could have sexual relationships without emotional consequences?

I have long hated the television show “Friends” because of its portrayal of casual sexual relationships and its light treatment of the emotional consequences to women that inevitably follows these acts. Somehow, entertainment media’s message that sex doesn’t carry emotional baggage has permeated our belief system. And then, when we try it, we think that there is something wrong with US because it didn’t work out like it always works out before the “cut to commercial break” on TV.


Just finished a book by Daniel Amen, MD called Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.  www.amenclinics.com He discusses what happens in the brain when two people make love.  After having conducted thousands of brain scans, he asserts that it is impossible, especially for women, to “just have casual sex”.  Sex lights up the deep limbic system in our brains, and women’s limbic systems are larger than men’s (on average).  The deep limbic system is also where attachment to other human beings is formed.  Thus, it is next to impossible to have sex without attaching.

Sex is emotionally charged by design. We should respect that and act accordingly.

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